That is Not Punny!

smileya1.jpgTwo Eskimos sitting in their boat were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the boat, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

Two boll weevils grew up in Cornwall. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind, drove a tractor and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

A three-legged dog walked into a saloon in the Old West. He sidled up to the bar and announced, “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist’s Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” she said, “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

A woman had twins, and gave them up for adoption. One of them went to a family in Egypt and was named Amal. The other went to a family in Spain, and they named him Juan. Years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she told her husband that she wished that she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responded, “But they’re twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”

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USS William Jefferson Clinton

The USS William Jefferson Clinton (CVS1) set sail today from its home port of Vancouver, BC.

USS Clinton


The ship is the first of its kind in the Navy and is a standing legacy to President Bill Clinton “for his foresight in military budget cuts” and his conduct while president. The ship is constructed nearly entirely from recycled aluminum and is completely solar powered with a top speed of 5 knots. It boasts an arsenal comprised of one (unarmed) F14 Tomcat or one (unarmed) F18 Hornet aircraft which, although they cannot be launched or captured on the 100 foot flight deck, form a very menacing presence.

As a standing order there are no firearms allowed on board. The 20 person crew is completely diversified, including members of all races, creeds, sex, and sexual orientation. This crew, like the crew aboard the USS Jimmy Carter, is specially trained to avoid conflicts and appease any and all enemies of the United States at all costs!

An onboard Type One DNC Universal Translator can send out messages of apology in any language to anyone who may find America offensive. The number of apologies are limitless and though some may sound hollow and disingenuous, the Navy advises that all apologies will sound very sincere.

The ship’s purpose is not defined so much as a unit of national defense, but instead in times of conflict the USS Clinton has orders to seek refuge in Canada. The ship may be positioned near the Democratic National Party Headquarters for photo-ops and can be used extensively for social experimentation and whatever other worthless jobs the ex-commander-in-chief and his wife can think of.

It is largely rumored that the ship will also be the set for the upcoming season of MTV’s “The Real World.”

The ship was renamed and commissioned USS William J Clinton when someone realized the USS Blowfish was already
taken.

(author unknown)

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Sunday Thinking

Computer dating is fine, if you’re a computer.


What is an astronaut’s favorite key on a computer keyboard? The space bar.


UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.


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